As the World Turns, My State of Mind

Aug 15, 2022The Blog

As the title says everything and nothing at all, my state of mind in the last few months hasn’t been the best. I would be lying if I didn’t say that I’ve had a few moments of giving it all up. Stopping everything, posting, making content, heck thinking about content.

The state of the world isn’t the best. With rising prices all across the board, it makes it hard for someone like me, with no budget, no extra money to just buy figures as I use to. Heck, there are tons of figures, Marvel Legends, Transformers, Japanese toys, Kamen Rider, Power Rangers, etc I’ve picked up over 2020 and 2021 that I haven’t talked about, reviewed, or done anything with.

The Sad Truth

I’ve been trying to get into a habit of waking up at 5 am and getting some early stuff done. Like Gold Making in World of Warcraft. Which I still actively play. Even know none of my friends play, beyond some of my bosses at work who play/played. But I don’t get on in the afternoon and jump in a raid or anything like that. I basically play to make gold to pay for the time to play. I won’t lie, I’ve wondered why.

Truth be told, I’ve wanted to bring back Hunter Mastery, but I end up letting the domain name drop and now I’ve lost it. That’s on me, not that anyone would pick it up. I don’t think it’s worth much really.

But I’ve wanted to bring back a Gold Making channel, or just a general World of Warcraft channel. However, YouTube has locked me in and I can’t make any new channels.

Not without another phone number to unlock things. I find it silly if you’re using the same Google email for the channel, it shouldn’t have to be locked like that.

Less work for me

I’ve spent the last 4 months focusing on YouTube, I’ve let things go, such as the Discord Server, my Facebook Page, and the Messager group chat I had, the Facebook Group, Reddit, etc. I wanted to be able to make my YouTube Channel making flawless. Right now I’m to maybe one video a week.

I can handle that because as much as part of me wants to make it as a content creator, another part of me wants to let it go and just be myself, playing the games I like and watching the movies and listening to music. Because I get it, not everyone is gonna wanna play WOW. I’m not a big FPS person, and there are a small number of games I enjoy but nothing at the level of the MMO I played for well over 10 years.

Content Creator at Heart, not on paper

My humble start as a content creator started before that was even a thing. Back in 1996, I was in high school and I started an AOL web page called Richard’s DBZ Homepage. That was what it was.

Over time, my passion was based on what I liked at the time. I was spending all my free time making software and I liked watching Dragon ball Z. If it wasn’t for my lack of home life, social circles, and overall just having bad anxiety before I knew what it even was. It only took one person to tell me that I sucked, to push me back the ten steps I had made.

Even in 1999 when I launched (not to be caused with Trust me, the domain was taken at the time, but no site existed and Xfire didn’t become a thing until 2002. I was first.

In any case, the site wasn’t about software very long. All the while I was trying to learn how to be a web designer, writer, and artist all by myself. I refused to let anyone help me. I had met some pretty awesome people along the way mind you.

Why I’m not there (yet)

But again due to my anxiety and homelife, I simply refused to allow others to help me. I had trust issues. If I didn’t do it, it wasn’t done right and therefore I hated it. Don’t get me wrong, I still have this issue today, even 26 years later.

Crazy to think about in 1996 I was 14 years old. My last year in middle school, now I’m gonna be turning 40 years old this year. By everything, I’ve done, and learned.

You’d think I’d be some famous or somewhat famous Content creator now. Nope and again it comes down to my own anxiety and personal issues that have held me back for some well 20+ years. Every time I started to get going and felt I was reaching that edge, I did something stupid.

The first time was in 2005, I became the webmaster, owner, etc of Majin Planet, merging it with then BansheeForce (the website that was formally called in 2006. I had a growing community form, friends online, and a slow idea of starting something called YouTube.

I knew something about Video editing but didn’t have a way to really make those videos. Right at the moment, that I was going too. I was going to do that push record and make my first video. BANG! 2007 rolled around and I and my brother started playing a game called World of Warcraft.

World of Warcraft was my Fall, then Rise

We played in TBC somewhat in the middle near the end of it and while I was aware of the game even at launch, I was heavy into playing Diablo 2 and Warcraft 3. I spent a good amount of time playing Magic the gathering too. So my passion for software slowly died after high school. I was too scared to and really, didn’t wanna go back to school. Why when I could learn it myself?

Sadly I couldn’t find work doing it because no one would take you if you didn’t have the paper. How times have changed now?

So even know 2007 was really the last year I focused on Majin Planet, I let it die due to not taking the next steps, I had a fall out with my Magic friends, stopped playing, and spent my days taking care of my mom and playing Warcraft 3 and Diablo. WOW simply didn’t run well nor could I pay for it monthly.

Finally, in the fall of 2008, Wrath came out and I had a good amount of money coming in to pay for it from 2008-2011 my life was WOW. I end up meeting some nice people. I did raiding, ran my own guild a few times, got heavy into PVP, and got rather good at it.

But, I end up ignoring everything else, the website sat there, so as with nothing new being done, the fans slowly left. I let the early train of social media go by. In my downtime, I started to roleplay both in wow and on Myspace.

It was in the time of Cata, that I started taking my time playing WOW more seriously and started Hunter Master, who became a rather known person in the community at the time. People knew me as Focushot, my Hunter name.

Hunter Mastery

It was beautiful really and I really started to make money from the site everything I had learned over the years all came together and I felt like I belong. Trust me, it was a great feeling and I was for the first time super happy. What was my fall had become a blessing and I realized what I was good at. So I ran with it, but you know as before it only took one person to make me feel like crap.

Enter my EX, now mind you I don’t talk about her, I have had a number of girlfriends over my life, some have been more serious than others. This one, well, hit me in a really hard spot. Even with all the red flags, my gears had been pulled on and suddenly I was getting closer to 30, let someone tell me what I was doing was a child game.

This was around the time MOP was coming out and other than pushing forward, my goal of becoming the Next Hunter and Gold Making Gru in the community came to an end.

I moved.

I packed my bags and moved to be with my EX and start a new life, an ‘adult’ life with her, I got a job working the 9-5 as they say, took on paying bills. Some of which were way beyond what anyone should have to deal with.

Many things my parents had done for me, like taxes and just housing, and food, which I lever had to deal with all of a sudden I had to deal with.

No time to play games, no website. Even now I secretly kept it online, both Hunter Mastery and Majin Planet all the time.

The Promise

I made a promise to Prince Majin Trunks back in 2005, that I would forever keep the website online. No matter what it became or even if I no longer wanted to run it. There were a few times back in 2010 he asked if I wanted to give it back to him. I knew I didn’t have time or passion anymore.

My gunt told me otherwise.

So 2012 to about 2016 was a time that I’d say I lose and gain. I won’t go into details about what happened to me or that time. Just know it helps me grow, so I’m sad that it happened. I met some great friends and people I know even now. It leads me to this. I knew, that I had made a promise, even if I didn’t think I could keep it. There were times there I didn’t know and the website went offline for a few months as result. Mostly money issues.

Time to pull back

When all was said and done and I was a free man, being told for years I couldn’t, I didn’t have what it takes. Enough was enough and I launched my Twitch channel in 2016 playing Hearthstone for about 2 years. Let’s just say all of that led to the birth of Majin Planet TV and everything good I’ve done since.

But with all I still wanna do, I knew it was time to pull back on some things. Facebook Page, while it still exists, I got rid of my personal Facebook. I gave my message group to my friend, even know I have yet to tell him why nor has he asked. Couldn’t even tell you if everyone left it or if it was even active, it really wasn’t. Even the Discord server hadn’t been used in months.

Only me and my good Friend Ghost aka the Dude have used it when we stream Fortnite. So I mean, we don’t need a whole server for that. So I got rid of it, again I didn’t say anything. The same thing with Facebook, I needed less to be more.

All on the heels of that, I feel like I’m on the edge of YouTube taking off and I know it’s time to get the website in working order again.

I’m Just getting started

I have two goals for 2023, I wanna start talking about Marvel and DC and wanna talk more about WOW again. My goals aren’t so much to make them my main focus but just a place to talk about them. Maybe I’ll make new TikTok pages for those. Once YouTube lets me I’ll be making channels on them. Majin Planet TV while the focus, I may dive into some content discussion of Marvel and stuff and see how it hits with who follows me.

I got a lot of good coming, I’m old enough now to not listen to people who tell me I can’t or I’m not good enough. If anything I hope to leave behind a legacy for someone to pick up and run with.

Because that’s kind of been my goal all along, to entertain people and make them laugh. Even if the laughs are at me and not with me.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles